I sometimes hear from wives who were expecting a long, drawn out explanation from their guilty husband after they have caught him Chinalove.com Reviews cheating or having an affair. Instead, all these wives are hearing is silence - perhaps also accompanied by dirty looks - encompassing what many of us call the silent treatment.
I might hear from a wife who says
something like: "the great irony of all of this is that I felt like my
husband was cheating about six months ago. He was acting funny and didn't seem
interested in me or in my marriage anymore. And he was spending more and more
time at work. I asked him about this and he tried to convince me that I was
making crazy accusations. He told me that I was too insecure and that he didn't
appreciate me accusing him of something that was baseless. Well, a couple of days
ago, he very dumbly left his phone on the kitchen table. I found texts and
emails from a woman who he was obviously cheating with. Her email address was
one used for the company where my husband works. She was dumb enough to be
sending these kind of emails at work. Anyway, as soon as my husband came to
retrieve his phone, I lit into him. He grabbed his phone from me and didn't say
Chinalove a word. He
hasn't said a word since. I keep waiting for him to approach me or try to
explain. But he is avoiding me. After hours of this, I started to think that
maybe he was going to leave the house and go to be with her. But he never did.
He's still here. He's still eating and sleeping here. But he is not talking.
This morning, I could not take it anymore and I approached my husband and asked
him if he was just going to mope around not saying anything. He just stared at
me, never said a word, got in his car, and left. He came back a couple of hours
later with some grocery bags full of food that we needed. But he has never once
discussed the affair or anything else. It's like he refuses to talk to me if
that is what I want to talk about. Why is he doing this and how can I stop
it?"
This is a very frustrating and
childish tactic. Unfortunately though, it is one that is very common. There are
many things that he might be trying to do. He may feel like the longer he
delays this conversation, the less venom you are going to have toward him. Or,
he may be trying Chinalove.com to put you in a situation where you are the
one doing all of the talking. In this way, he's attempting to shift the balance
of power.
There are other possibilities too.
He may honestly not know what to say. He may know that the conversation is
going to be difficult and painful so he wants to delay it. He may be very
embarrassed or ashamed.
Whatever the reason, you can decide
how you want to handle this. Nothing says that you have to wait for him to
start talking. However, you can't force him to talk. You can tell him your
stance on this though. So I'd suggest getting very clear on what you want to
happen and how much more silence you can tolerate. Frankly, there is always the
option of just going about your business and waiting for him to take the
initiative. He clearly doesn't plan to leave. And you have done nothing wrong.
So why should the burden be on you? He has to say something eventually.
If you'd like to be more direct,
you might try something like: "I can see that you're not in any hurry to
talk about this. But surely, you must know that we can't tiptoe around this
forever. I won't be in a marriage where we just ignore our problems. And if you
want to continue to be in this marriage then you're going to need to talk to me
about this eventually. I can sort of understand your wanting to avoid this
conversation, but it's going to happen eventually. And waiting just means that
things will become more and more awkward. The conversation won't get easier
with the passage of time. If it were me who cheated, I would want to talk to
offer you an explanation right away. I can't understand why you aren't. And
since you won't say anything, all I can do is speculate. I'll wait to hear from
you. But your self imposed silence doesn't make things easier on either of
us."
This may be all the ice breaker he
needs to begin with words. If he is posturing, he will hopefully see that this
strategy won't work. Or, he may still be too embarrassed at the questions he
knows will come out during the conversation. But as long as he knows that he
can't delay this forever, he will likely just want to get it over with at some
point. But it's very important to remember that you didn't do anything wrong.
So the burden of conversation should not be yours alone.
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